I can see your halo, I can feel your halo. Pray it won’t fade away.
On a cool summer morning, I was humming “come away with me in the night”. My son popped his head behind the fridge, asking: “ How do you say night in Dutch?” I said: “nacht.”
A brief pauze. He looked up and sang: “come away with me in Laoganma ( a famous Chinese chilly sauce).” I was then doing dishes, turning my back at him, but I could feel his eyes on me like laser beams. Mischievous ones.
The air of playfulness and curiosity was lingering in the sweetness of Dutch summer. I began singing: “come away with me in the aquarium.”
He giggled, so did I, not only because of the spontaneous answer I had, but also my off-key voice. Together we sang almost every item we could see, with memorable ones such as watermelon, oven, yoga ball, freezer and toilet.
A beautiful moment of giving and receiving, also imagination. We sang and made sounds. A child can scream to the roof, breaking the energy of the day.
How often are we aware of the energy exchange between us and others? How often are we giving space to that sweetness and playfulness?
I can see your halo, I can feel your halo. Pray it won’t fade away.
A couple of weeks ago, I had a museum & lunch date with a dear friend. An inquisitive soul with a generous heart, she felt tired that day. It was unusual, as she had always been active helping people. We were like two dragonflies, skidding on the river here and there, following each other on various topics. I could feel a wonderful harmony in that slow energy. I touched her arm gently and told her that I would like to get the bill. She received my energy and I received hers too.
Another beautiful cycle of giving and receiving, being there for each other with different life phases we are in. Thank you, friend, for being present with your energy.
How often do we allow ourselves to be tired without being cheerful and social? What is the compassionate message in that energy? How do we communicate that without feeling bad?
I can see your halo, I can feel your halo. Pray it won’t fade away.
I was shy when I was little. Whenever summer vacation was approaching, my grandfather would grab his walking stick and pick me up. We walked on the dusty country road, mostly silent. Sometimes he needed to visit one of his daughters on his way, I refused to go along. He would took another route, distracting me with flowers and plants along the road, till we reached the door of his intended visit.
My father is also a silent man, but quick-tempered. I was afraid of him as his authoritarian style of parenting made my shoulder hunch and my heart skip a beat.
I was sitting one day at home, then an image emerged, signaling inner work that I needed to do.
Chinese New Year. My mother was cooking non-stop in the kitchen. All the male seniors were sitting on the table while their wives, daughter-in-laws hovering in the kitchen or sitting on the sofa. I didn’t want to eat leftovers from the table, so when one man stood up, I took his seat.
The seniors frowned upon my inappropriate demeanor, saying “women are not supposed to sit here.” I don’t remember if I responded but I saw my father looking half away, sort of agreeing half-heartedly but also silently acknowledging my place on the table.
I had my hands on my favorite fish.
These two silent men, not skillful giving their signals, developed their own energy of relating to me. One with immense patience, the other with high expectations, pressuring me to realize dreams that he never had, wishing me secretly to break rules.
All these years I’ve been chasing hugs and verbal encouragement I lacked, till now I realized that it has always been available to me, as they were disguised in another kind of energy. Only with my maturity in sensing nuanced energy did I notice the unspoken words they were not capable of saying.
From my grandfather, I learned to enjoy my detour and count my own steps. Step 1, Lily, see the wild flowers in the field? Step 2, what can you see? What do you want to see? There you go. Focus.
From my father, he taught me subtly that I have a place in this patriarch world, even though he himself was the exact damaged masculinity I resisted— dominant and emotionless.
Which energy do we choose from our paternal lineage to serve us towards our dreams? How do we make of those moments and ask for resources that they carry?
I can see your halo, I can feel your halo. Pray it won’t fade away.
This is for you. You are still reading my article, sharing with me what you think and feel. Your halo through likes and comments keeps feeding and grounding me.
It has been my intention to share how healing takes place in words, voice and movement. When an image comes, I look at it, travel back to that moment and ask what the actual message is in my body.
Which image came to you this week? Promise me, find a corner and sit. I believe it emerges because you are ready. Don’t occupy yourself with things to do. Ask the wisdom to come back to your energetic body, release the rest.
Let the past be the past.
Let us create new energetic space in our bodies for something we want.
What we want, it wants us too.
